My First Love

It’s always hard to lose or become separated from someone or something that you love. This is one of life’s first lessons. Even when you’re a very young child, you feel a longing for your favorite special blanket even if you’ve only been separated from it long enough for it to be washed. As you grow older, things you care for and care about become more significant than a toy or blanket. Soon enough, you realize that it’s people you care most about; mainly family and friends. When you’re older, it may be your husband or wife and probably then your children. Material things become less and less important as your life really comes into perspective.

What I love, what I have a passion for is neither family or friends; though I do love them very much. Nor is it a material item. It can not be bought. It can not be replaced. What I love breathes like a human. It grows like a flower. It changes like the leaves of a tree. What I love, I can share with the entire world, yet still call it my own. What I love has the innocence of a child. It has the maturity of an old man, weak in body but strong in mind and wise with words. It has the vulnerability of a person who has loved, and lost. It has the strength to move a mountain. What I love, you can touch and feel, but it is impossible to contain.

What I love, I must leave behind.

For eighteen years, I have looked forward to independence. I have awaited the day when I can be free, and have only myself to rely on. And now that day has arrived, and I’m not so sure I want to leave what I love behind.

The Au Sable River is more a part of me than anything else has ever been. The river is my one true love. It is my solace in the eye of a storm. The river is my rock in a time of weakness. It is my shoulder to cry on in a time of pain. It is my calm in a time of chaos. The river is my fun in a time of boredom. I fish its eddies. I canoe its currents. I swim in its pools.

And I must leave it behind.

In five months, I will take the steps from high school to college. I will go from living in a warm house to living in a drafty dorm. I will go from addressing the person in front of the class as "Mr. or Mrs." to addressing them as "Professor." And I will go from a place where I am comfortably surrounded by all that I know and all that I love to a place where I know no one and nothing. This is all very scary for me. It’s also very exciting. But most of all, it’s sad. Because I will be leaving behind the one thing I love most -- the river.

I realize that growing up is a transition we all must make. And when I think about the alternative, being thirty years old and living with my parents is not a life choice I really want to make. But leaving behind something I love is not an alternative either. Instead, I plan to hold on to what I love. I think it will be possible for me to say goodbye to my river temporarily. I have dreams I want to pursue, goals I want to achieve, and I know those can’t be completed if I’m sitting in my backyard watching the ducks in the river. I plan to take some time, a hiatus if you will, complete my studies and return when I can take over the family business on the river, just as I want to do more than anything. Sure, it will take some time. And I’ll have to suffer without watching the fog rise from the water in the morning for more than I’d like to. But in the end, things will again be to a place where I can watch the ducks all I want. Just thank God for summer vacations. . .RWOL

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